One Returns; One Departs

I have returned from my week of silence and solitude, peace and prayer. There was a great number of things on my mind that I had to clear out, sort out, and clean up. It was a great week where I needed to face my trials, fears, and future - experienced all through tears, prayers, meditation, and incredible silence. I cannot express enough thanks for all of you who were praying for me during the week. Let me assure you, I felt your presence with me, and I am truly blessed to have your support. (I also felt the presence of a great number of deer who surrounded my hermitage everyday!)

So now that I am back, I continue my Lenten journey with a fervor to take action. It is a feeling as if I were to cry out, "I have arrived! Now, let's go make a difference in the world!"

But as I prepare to start anew, there is one that is stepping down from his ministry. After so many years of faith-filled service, Pope Benedict XVI is in his final days as our church leader. Let us all keep him in our prayers as he begins his next calling. And we also pray for those who will be meeting to pray and choose our next pope. May we pray together this prayer that was used before session of the Second Vatican Council:

We stand before you, Holy Spirit, conscious of our sinfulness, but aware that we gather in your name. Come to us, remain with us, and enlighten our hearts. Give us light and strength to know your will, to make it our own, and to live it in our lives. Guide us by your wisdom, support us by your power, for you are God, sharing the glory of Father and Son. You desire justice for all; enable us to uphold the rights of others; do not allow us to be misled by ignorance or corrupted by fear or favor. Unite us to yourself in the bond of love and keep us faithful to all that is true. As we gather in your name, may we temper justice with love, so that all our discussions and reflections may be pleasing to you, and earn the reward promised to good and faithful servants. We ask this of You who live and reign with the Father and the Son, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Prayer, Silence and Solitude

The past three weeks have been mentally challenging for me, and I find the need to clear my mind and sort things out. Therefore, I will be departing on a personal week-long retreat to spend some time with the Lord. I need to spend some time in prayer, silence and solitude. I will resume my writings here upon my return.

I ask you to keep me in your prayers this week. Please pray that I am able to listen to the what the Spirit needs to tell me; that I have the patience to hear the words spoken to me, the courage to act on those words, and the strength to make those words come to life through my actions.

Below is a prayer that I pray often. I hope that it helps you as much as it helps me.

Thomas Merton's Prayer of Abandonment

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

~Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

Choose Life

If you have been following my blog, you have noticed that I lost my job three weeks ago today. Along with that, there have been additional health concerns that have developed within my family. Needless to say, it's been a rough few weeks.

In today's reading from Deuteronomy, Moses lays it out clearly for the people of Israel:

"I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Choose life then, that you and your descendants may live..."

Thinking of this reading, one can see how easy it would be for me (and all of us) to look at all of the "bad" stuff that is going on in our lives and have that dictate the way we live. How easy it would be to become a bitter person because things are not going the way we think it should be going. How easy it would be to treat other people rudely because we are not in the proper state of mind.

But this is precisely the time when we need to choose life! We need to hear and act on the Word of God, and live our lives according to the gospel. Following God's way releases life into us and to the people around us. When we are full of life, we can then fill others with the joy and love that we have. Life is contagious!

During Lent, we need to take the opportunity to choose life through our practices of fasting, praying, and almsgiving. And just like in our Ash Wednesday gospel, we should not be gloomy and miserable so that everybody knows that we are doing something. We just need to go do it, filled with the love of God. We may have to make some sacrifices at times to follow Jesus, but it is then when we discover that what we give up is usually not worth having anyway.

So we pray that we always choose life, and become the best Christians we can possibly be.

Our One Great Big "I"

Everybody knows what a Cyclops is, right? It's that strange monster with one big eye in the middle of its forehead. And we think, what a bizarre creature, this Cyclops, with one big eye. But for 325 days of each year, we are all Cyclopes! Let me explain.

What's the first thing we think about each morning? "What am I going to do today? How will I do it? What will happen to me today? How will I feel today?" I, I, I! And all day long, we say to people, "I think this" and "I think that" and "I agree" and "I disagree" and "I like this" and "I don't like that." I, I, I! And what's the last thing we think about at night? "I really did a good job today" and "I wonder what I'll do tomorrow." I, I, I! There is ONE GREAT BIG "I" right in the middle of our foreheads! We are all Cyclopes!

The trouble with that, is that we can't see very well when we only have one eye. We're half blind. Everything looks flat and has no depth perception. The real beauty of the world is lost. Every day we see people walking around totally blind to the beautiful things around them, because they are too busy thinking, "What am I going to have for dinner tonight? What am I going to do in order to entertain myself?" I, I, I! All this focusing on our one big "I" leaves no energy to focus with our two eyes, and so we become blind to the real world around us.

In Greek mythology, the Cyclops was killed when they took his own sword and ran it through his one big eye. Well guess what? That's what we do in church on Ash Wednesday! We come forward and the minister writes a big "I" on your forehead, which stands for the one big "I" that we all have at the front of our minds, because we're Cyclopes. And then, like a brutal stroke of the sword, the minister will cross that "I" out, to symbolize that for these forty days of Lent, we are not really Cyclopes at all - that during Lent we won't focus on our one big "I" but that we will look outwards with our two real eyes and see other people for a change!

Lent is when we focus our attention on three practices: fasting, praying, and almsgiving. We fast to deprive ourselves of a basic necessity, which reminds us of our complete dependence on God, and for us to see what is missing in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We give because what we've been given by God was not meant for just us, but for us to share with others. And we pray because we are not totally self-sufficient. We have a need inside of us that cannot be filled by ourselves or by others. We have a holy longing, and find ourselves looking to God.

It's about going from ashes to the font; back to the font - to where it all started for us. To go back and denounce Satan and all his works and all his empty promises. But are we the people what we promised to be at that font? We are good people, and we were created by God to be good. But sometimes, we seem to falter and fall off of the path and find ourselves lost. We find the need to be refreshed, renewed, refueled, and restored. We want to take that "I" at the front of our minds and cross it out!

That's what Lent is all about: repentance, renewal, community, fasting, praying, and giving. God wants to be in relationship with us. God wants to take us back, and point us in the right direction once again. We just need to start today. We just need to make the next move.

Our challenge is to continue to refuel ourselves for this Lenten journey. And in every way we can this Lent, let's replace that "I" with "You" - not only in our words, but also in our thoughts and actions.

Happy Paczki Day!!!

Today, the day before Ash Wednesday, is known by many names: Mardi Gras, Carnival, Fat Tuesday, Shrove Tuesday, Pancake Day, and Paczki Day.

As we turn to the penitential season of Lent, we enjoy one last day of feasting. On this day, medieval Christians used up their eggs, butter, and milk - all of which were forbidden during their Lenten abstinence - by making pancakes and pastries.

Being of Polish descent, it is a family tradition that we celebrate this day by stuffing our faces with paczki. For those of you who are not familiar with this pastry, it is a rich donut usually (though not always) filled with jam (raspberry, apricot, prune, etc.). It is similar to the German bismark or berliner, these round rolls (pronounced "poonch-key") are made with a yeast-raised egg batter.

Until the 16th century, paczki were made with bread dough, filled with pork fat and fried in lard. Later, they evolved into a sweet pastry (thank goodness!). Self-respecting bakeries in Poland never make their paczki in advance, nor do they use preservatives. The dough is made in the early morning hours and are sold hot from the frying grease as soon as the doors open. Some home bakers fill a few paczki with almond paste instead of jam, and encountering this filling is said to bring good luck. An old Polish proverb states, "If you don't eat at least one doughnut on Shrove Tuesday, you will no longer be successful in life."

Polish proverb or not, why take the chance. Eat a few paczki today!!!

Grieving Job Loss: Stage 5

Today, we look at the final stage of grieving job loss. There's no magic number to indicate when a person will reach this stage, but know that when one gets here, they are in a much better place emotionally.

Stage 5: Acceptance
Well, that sucked. What's next?

I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. We may never know what that reason is, or we may be clued into the fact at some point in our lives, but everything happens for a reason. This is the time to accept the reality of the situation and use it as a springboard for a new chapter in your life and career. Sure, there may be rough times, but with perseverance, you will land on your feet again soon. The fact is that you WILL find a job. It might be a while, but it's incredibly unlikely that you will be unemployed forever. You will get through this. We will all get through this! It just takes a whole lot of faith and trust in yourself, and most importantly, your Savior.

Faith Response
We are always given opportunities in our lives to do certain things. Whether we choose to do them is entirely up to us; and often times, our choices depend on what else is going on in our lives at the time. However, when experiencing the loss of a job, one cannot help but to question past decisions that have been made - as well as decisions that will come up in the future. Why not take this opportunity of having reached acceptance and enjoy the journey? Why not make a difference in the lives of others? Why not decide to change the way you do things? Yes, your focus should be on finding new employment. But what's from stopping you from doing something to help those in need? Volunteer in your community. Help out in a new ministry at your church. Spend time with those who are lonely. By ministering to those in need, by feeding those who hunger (and I'm just not talking about food here), you too will find yourself filled, satisfied, and completed.

Prayer
Loving Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to walk through these five steps of loss in order to find myself. May the knowledge I have learned lead me to new horizons and new adventures. May I understand that if I want to the person you made me to be, that I need to trust in you. Allow me to follow you to where you need me to be, so that I can help those who are in the most need. Let me always know that you are always by my side, helping me in all that I do. And may I also be able to see your light in those whom I encounter. May your Spirit fill me, and may I always strive to overcome my fears so to be your light for others. I ask this in your Son's name. Amen.

Grieving Job Loss: Stage 4

Sometimes we find ourselves feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another. But when we experience job loss, these feelings take on an entirely new perspective and meaning.

Stage 4: Depression
I'm never going to get a job. Nobody is looking for someone like me. I don't have the right skills for any of the available jobs out there. 

This is a normal feeling in any job search. But in the current economic downturn, I don't know of many people who are not spending a good bit of time in this stage. Let's face it, people tend to take lay-offs very personally. But we have to remember that it is NOT personal. It is NOT a reflection of our value. It is simply a business decision based on the company's financial status. Even great candidates are having trouble finding jobs, and it's difficult to avoid feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation.

Depression is defined as a severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life. The challenge is getting over these feelings as quickly as possible.

Faith Response
How easy it is to wallow in self-pity. We find ourselves losing enthusiasm followed by disappointment and even depression. But the next step must be renewed enthusiasm. We must find a way to lift ourselves out of our dark funk and re-focus on getting back into the job market. It is during this painful period where we need to find our sense of humor, for that is one of the best antidotes for anxiety and depression. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

But the best antidote is to ignite our faith. It is our faith that will carry us through this difficult stage. It is our faith that will remind us that we are God's children and that we are special, loved, and needed. But we are the ones who need to take that first step.

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

You don't have to know exactly where you are going, you just need to start walking in order to find your way.

Prayer
Good and gracious God, I am struggling with my feelings and emotions during this difficult stage of my life. I am feeling very low, and my self-esteem has nearly dried up. So I turn to you for help - so that I can see the light that will free me from the darkness. Help me to experience Your light shining within me once again. Give me the wisdom to know how much You love me, and that everything will be just fine if I place my trust in You. Let me turn this depression into an opportunity to find my true self so that I can fulfill the plans that You have made for me. Amen.

Grieving Job Loss: Stage 3

In the next stage of grieving job loss, we sometimes feel like we are experiencing buyer's remorse. This could become a dangerous place to be, simply because it blows apart your self-esteem. And then, you are left feeling like a wet noodle: limp and lifeless.

Stage 3: Bargaining
Maybe if I just... What if I... If only I...

Not everybody does this, but some employees try like crazy to keep their jobs, even after the ax has fallen. Some look for a job within the same company (like I did), even when it's clear that the company itself is in bad shape. Others offer to take pay cuts, take on extra work, go part time - anything to stay with their current organization. (Note: I have not tried, and will not try this!) Once in a great while, this actually works, but I've known employees who have managed to hang on, only to find that bad feelings that they harbor make it a miserable experience for all parties.

Don't get wrapped up in asking yourself those typical bargaining questions. Instead, focus your energy on bargaining your severance package. And also use those bargaining skills when you find yourself in an interview situation for a new job position someplace else.

Faith Response
It is so easy to second-guess things. It is even easier to put the blame on yourself when you lose your job. But it is during these times when we need to remember that it's all about a company making financial business decisions, and not about personal performance. The "low performers" were let go years ago. Now, the company is skimming from the cream of the crop. So it's not about how you performed. It's about the company saving money. We need to take a deep breathe and thank God for the blessings of being employed for so long, and to look forward to what He has in store for us. When a door closes, God will open a window. We need to trust in the Lord that He will lead us to better things in accordance with his plan for us.

Prayer
Heavenly Father, you know the plan that you have for me. Let my mind by clear enough to hear your voice so that I may know what to do next. Comfort me when I get down on myself for thinking that I should have done things differently. For I know that I have served you and your people well in my former job. May I be open to what the Spirit has in store for me, and may I always be aware of your presence in my daily life. Guide me to where you need me to be. We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Grieving Job Loss: Stage 2

Yesterday, we looked at denial, the first stage of grieving job loss. Once you work your way through that first stage (which is not always easy), you find yourself entering a space where your attitude suddenly turns dark. You begin to become a person with a disposition - and not a pleasant one at that.

Stage 2: Anger
How could they do this to me? What on earth were they thinking? Were they even thinking this through? What a bunch of morons! Do they know they made a mistake laying me off?

This is the stage where you mentally list every wonderful thing you ever did for the company, and hold it against those knuckleheads who don't appreciate you. You obsess about the slacker in the next cube who survived when you didn't, or the idiot boss who chose to save the one who is better at playing politics than he is at actually doing the work. It's normal to spend some time in this stage, but some people get stuck here and can't move forward. I've seen it happen to a number of my colleagues. This is unfortunate, and quite self-defeating because that ticked-off attitude is a huge barrier to getting hired someplace else. It's okay to feel anger, and it is a very important part of the healing process. However, never burn a bridge! That person you "tell off" could very well be an excellent source of referral down the road.

Faith Response
Anger comes so easily when we are physically and emotionally wounded. It consumes our very being and eats away at our inner good. When anger takes hold of us, we need to immediately stop what we are doing (and thinking), and take a time out. This is the perfect time to turn to prayer! We need to ask the Lord for patience to get through this difficult stage. Turning to scripture is always a good idea.

It is good sense for a man to be slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

The fool gives vent to all his anger; but by biding his time, the wise man calms it. Proverbs 29:11

If you are angry, let it be without sin. The sun must not go down on your wrath; do not give the devil a chance to work on you. Ephesians 4:26-27

Prayer
Almighty God, the recent events that have take place in my life have seemed to take control over me, and has distracted me from realizing how much you love me and care for me. I pray that during this difficult time, that I may find the patience to dismiss my anger and to see the good in those around me. May I take the time to see you in those whom I encounter this very day. May I always be understanding to the trials and pains of others, so that I may not focus on my needs and wants, but the needs and wants of those who need it most. Amen.

Grieving Job Loss: Stage 1

In case you missed the news, I was laid off from my job on January 24th. This was just after celebrating my 25th service anniversary in December. You can only imagine the amount of emotions that were taking place in my head, in my gut, and in my heart. It has been nearly two weeks since that "event" has taken place, and I believe that I am finally ready to write about it.

In the coming days, I will begin walking through the Five Stages of Grieving Job Loss. It is based on the Five Stages of Grief described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book "On Death and Dying". My hope is that by describing these stages (not only for others, but also for myself), it will help move us through this process more quickly and with less emotional strain.

Stage 1: Denial
This can't be happening to me! I can't believe they are letting me go! They will not be able to live without me!

Whether the writing was on the wall or not, we are almost always shocked when it happens to us. It takes a while for the news to sink in, even when you can see it coming from a mile away. However, I know so many people who were still shocked when they got the word themselves. In my situation, I have dodged so many layoffs over the years that I knew it would be a matter of time before I could not dodge them anymore. I guess that I started to believe that I could keep zigging and zagging for a while longer. But we feel like burying our head in the sand to pretend that this did not happen to us. But it did! The sad news is that this stage could last for a while, especially if you are receiving a severance package - mostly because it appears that you still have money coming into your account.


Faith Response
While it is easy for us to hide in denial, we need to remember that this first stage is necessary to move on with our lives. Experiencing shock and denial is common in any traumatic event. We cannot stop these feelings from happening. However, the challenge is that we must not get stuck in this stage. We need to pray and ask for the strength to accept denial, and then let it go! We need to move from the denial of passing events to the acceptance that our Lord loves us and has a better plan for us. It is to move away from "This can't be happening to me!" and move toward "This happened to me, so now I need to go where my gifts and talents can be used to help others!"

Prayer
Lord, help me to accept that fact that this event did happen to me. Give me the strength to move out of this stage by placing my trust in you. Give me the ability to listen to your words so that I may hear where you need me to be and what you need me to do. Amen.

The Importance and Power of Prayer

This article comes from fellow blogger Fr. Dwight Longenecker. I am re-posting this because it is very powerful and very pertinent to the scenes that are playing out in my life. Enjoy!

What do you mean by ‘Prayer’ to start with? If you thought it was asking God for stuff you’re not completely wrong. We’re supposed to ask God for our needs, and I think it’s just fine to ask God for the particular things like, “Dear God, please heal my son.” or “Please  God we need money to pay the bills.”

However, these sorts of prayers are really a means to an end rather than an end in themselves. When we pray for specific things we are putting it all into God’s hands. We may say, “Give us this day our daily bread” but we also say, “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” When we do both together we join our will with God’s will and great power can be the result. The power I’m talking about is the power to change the world, and even more miraculous–the power to change ourselves.

Of course, when I say “power to change ourselves” I really mean God’s power is released through prayer for the transformation of our lives. The first thing that is transformed in our lives in this way, is our viewpoint. By prayer we gradually shift from judging everything according to how it impacts us to judging everything according to God’s will.

This step is very important because it is only when this paradigm shift takes place that we can begin to see that some of the stuff in our lives which we find unpleasant or difficult is actually there for a different purpose. Perhaps God is using the difficult situation to teach us a lesson, to show us our faults and to help us get better. It could be that what we perceive as a nuisance and a bother and a difficulty is the way forward, but in a different direction than we had anticipated. When something is taken away from us it could be that God is making way to give us something better. Prayer helps us to see things in this new way and step by step begin living by faith and trust in divine providence.

Before long we start to live within the guidance of God and then, gradually, as we begin seeing things God’s way we start praying for the things that God really wants. Wow! When that happens the power is really unleashed and we begin to see great answers to prayer. When we pray for God’s will to be done and we understand what God’s will is, then our actions and our prayers–our life and our faith begin working together in tandem. Faith and works become one faith-full action. Things come together. Life harmonizes. All if provided. All are protected.

Living within this harmonious state is something which is achieved by grace-fueled action.  Believe. Be. Live. Be alive. Suddenly we start to realize that we are actually living in the state of grace that we longed for. Suddenly we begin to understand that marvelous and mysterious verse from Scripture, “All things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to his purpose.”

This is where we should be headed and prayer is the power that gets us there.