The Wolf Inside Us

Have you ever seen that TV show called "Golden Boy?" (Well apparently, not many have. It has been cancelled for next year.) The show features a young rookie homicide cop who is filled with anger issues against his father, mother, co-workers, and many others. His wise, veteran partner has to deal with him and all of his anger. So he gives him these words of wisdom:

"Each of us have two wolves within us: the wolf of anger and violence, and the wolf of harmony and peace. Which wolf grows bigger and stronger is determined by which one you feed."

In today's Gospel (Matthew 5:20-26), Jesus tells us that it is not good to let anger build up within us, and that we need to reconcile with those we may have hurt. We must do this before we can come to the altar of God. This is one of the reasons that the Sign of Peace has been placed BEFORE the reception of Holy Communion. In other words, we need to be at peace with one another before we can receive the gift of the Lord in the Eucharist.

We must not let our anger reside within us. To let go of our anger is of primary importance to living out our vocation of being disciples of Jesus Christ.

But how do we learn to let go of our anger? Here are some things to do when you're feeling angry:
1. When you are angry, say nothing.
Thomas Jefferson said it best: "When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred." It is far better not to act immediately and have to regret it later. Make an effort to sit with that feeling of anger and accept that you have it.
2. Always try to understand those you are angry with.
Put yourself in their shoes and be open to their perspective of things. We may never really know what is going on in their lives.
3. Ask yourself: why is this bothering me so much?
You really need to think about this one. Is the problem really with the other person, or is it just my own issue?
4. Breathe deeply.
There is nothing like taking several long, deep breaths to clear the mind and soul.
5. Meditate.
Similar to breathing deeply, but taking more time to isolate yourself from the situation and deeply thinking on what happened and trying to eliminate any thoughts of hostility and resentment.
6. Smile.
This one is hard to do when you are angry. But if you can manage to do this in the heat of the moment, it will certainly change your perspective and disposition.
7. Journal about it.
There is nothing like writing things down to get it off your chest. This is a great way to channel your anger without the risk of verbally hurting others. The power of the pen is mightier than the sword!
8. Pray about it.
I can't stress this one enough. When you are angry, take a moment to pray to God about it, and ask to remove the powerful clutch of anger that is currently strangling you. Ask for forgiveness and the power to forgive, listen and be a child of God. Prayer can change the world, but it has to change you first!
9. Focus on creating a solution.
Anger is often a healthy reaction to a situation, as long as it doesn't get out of control. But your anger should lead you to resolving the issue. It should never just linger, but a resolution is a necessity. You may not want to hear this, but this is where forgiveness comes into the picture.
10. Learn from it.
Now that you have created a solution, now you need to learn from this experience. You've got to ask, how can I improve my response to anger going forward? What will I do differently the next time this happens? If you don't ask these questions, you cannot learn from your experience of anger.

So to echo the words of that wise, veteran cop: which wolf will you feed today?

Cries of Despair to Tears of Joy

In case you haven't heard the news, I have found employment again! (Thanks be to God!) Thank you for all of your prayers and support during my job search. It is truly appreciated!

After reflecting on today's Gospel (Mark 10:46-52) about the blind man, Bartimaeus, I couldn't help but to think how much I have in common with him. (Honestly, I think we all do!) For me, it was going through the loss of my job. For others, it may be the loss of a loved one or any other traumatic event. But whatever the circumstance, we end up going through a process of self-discovery. We begin to have feelings of despair, hopelessness, anger, fear, abandonment, emptiness, loss of self-respect, and loss of vision.

I, myself, was going through life sitting on the side of the road begging - hoping that someone would come by and give a chance to see again. And out of desperate hope, I cried out, "Jesus, have pity on me! I need your help! I cannot do this on my own! I need you to show me the way!"

That ended up being my profession of faith! I laid it all out there: cries of hope, cries of desperation, cries to be healed, and cries to be made whole. And Jesus heard me! My cries of despair turned into tears of joy. My prayers were answered!

The power of prayer is amazing! We need to make prayer a priority in our daily lives. We need to carve out time everyday to make prayer happen. We need to realize that God is listening and hears our cries for help. Our prayers will be answered, but on God's time, not ours. (And not always in ways that we had in mind!) Don't be afraid to cry and shout out to Jesus. We simply cannot get by without help from above.

God, sometimes life seems complicated and messy. But what we need to do is simple: believe, trust, love, forgive and show mercy.

Looking at the Sky

If you were to stand on a busy sidewalk, pick an empty spot in the sky, and stare at it for a full minute, what do you think would happen? Most likely, most people would walk past without glancing up and virtually no one would stop to stare with you. Now, go to the same place the next day, and take along four friends with you to look upward. Within 60 seconds, a crowd of passersby will have stopped to crane their necks skyward with the group.

This was the result of a study conducted in New York by three social psychologists in 1969. In their experiment, 80% of all passersby, at the very least, lifted their gaze to the spot that was being looked at.

"Men of Galilee, why are you standing there looking at the sky?"

The Ascension is tough. A person just doesn't float up into the sky like a runaway balloon or Mary Poppins. Beaming someone up only happens in Star Trek. The Ascension of Jesus is illogical, irrational, and impossible. Isn't it?

It certainly is when we find ourselves wrapped up in the mechanics of how it could have happened. Physics isn't much help here; nor is astronomy. And don't even think about bringing in Isaac Newton's apple and his laws of gravity. Science will not and cannot solve the mystery of the Ascension. But when we get caught up with them, we often miss the larger picture of why it matters. The temptation is to dwell on the impossibility rather than the extraordinary possibility. And when we start in a place of doubt, it keeps our minds closed to the wondrous mystery of the divine.

When I was a kid, I loved to watch the cartoon called "Underdog". It featured an ordinary dog who, when called upon, would become Underdog and exclaim, "There's no need to fear, Underdog is here!" His other catch phrase, and the reason I bring this up today was, "Up, up, and away!" (Because he could fly!)

It's hard for me to hear the story of Jesus' Ascension into heaven without hearing Underdog proclaim, "Up, up, and away!" In the Acts of the Apostles, we hear that Jesus was standing in the midst of his disciples when he was suddenly lifted up in a cloud and vanished from their sight.

The problem with my profound theological comparison between Jesus and Underdog - besides the potential heresy - is that Underdog's statement doesn't hold true. The Ascension doesn't lead Jesus up, up, and away but rather it leads him into a new relationship with his disciples. He is not up and away; he is present with them in a new way, one that transcends physical presence; one that is based exclusively on the experience of faith. In other words, it's the same way that we relate to the risen Christ: through our own experience of faith, through our own Christ-like actions toward others, and through the sacramental mystery that we know as the Eucharist.

But of course, the disciples don't immediately get this. You can easily picture them staring up at the sky in utter silence with bewildered looks on their faces wondering what in the world just happened. And as they are staring into the sky, these two angels happen to walk by and look up at the sky with them. And then they ask that wonderful question: "Why are you standing there looking up at the sky?"

And how often do we get caught looking for faith in all the wrong places? We look up hoping to see God when perhaps God is right in front of us. Or we look down, failing to see the wonders of creation all around us. That doesn't make our life of faith some sort of cruel game; it just means that in order to fully know the presence of God, we must look in those unexpected places. Like in our homes, in our workplaces, in our relationships, at the mall, at the Starbucks, in our own souls, and even in our own church.

At first glance, the Ascension does reinforce our notion that heaven is up, up, and away. But that's why I love the line spoken by the two angels after Jesus ascends, because they remind us that God isn't just up, but everywhere. Stop looking up, they suggest, and see the love of God right here, in the here and now, present among us, abiding in you and me. Our time in heaven will come; but right now, Jesus is in our midst in a whole new way.

And while the mechanics may be hard to grasp, they're not really the point. The point is that Jesus is not taken away from us but that our relationship with him is simply transformed. Jesus continues to remain with us and desires to work through us and to be one with us. And that's the power and the promise of Jesus' ascension into heaven.

The Greatest Gift Ever!

What does Jesus really ask of us as one of his followers? Are there certain requirements that we need to have? Are there a number of hoops that we need to jump through? Actually, God's requirement is simple: love God and love each other. This sounds simple, but are we really doing this?

Our first reading today (Acts 15:7-21) talks about how the early disciples were discussing who could become a member of the new church, and what was required of those new members. Some felt that it should only be Jews. Others thought that it should be open to the Gentiles but only after they were circumcised and learned the Law of Moses. Still others felt that the Gentiles should be allowed without having to first become Jews. It was an on-going fight on how a person was saved and by what means.

The Gospel (John 15:9-11) carries on the same theme of conditions to being a disciple. Again, what does God require of his followers? As Jesus said, "love one another as I have loved you." And how did God show his love? He sent his only Son to die for our sins. Jesus lived as a human and suffered and died for our salvation. That's how much God loves us and wants us to be his followers. He only asks that we love each other as much.

Here's a challenge for week: reach out to someone who you struggle with, someone to which you have a strained relationship, someone who is need of being loved. Reach out to this person and make some gesture of love; for example, forgive them, compliment them, praise them for something they have done, or show some interest in that person, etc. Go outside your comfort zone and spread some love.

Loving one another seems like a pretty small price to pay for the greatest gift ever!

Full of Anxiety

Another sleepless night. Another night of tossing and turning, anticipating and waiting, hoping and praying. It is the eve of the "big day" when my future course of action may be determined. And then again, maybe not.

Anxiety is enveloping me at this very moment. And I'm not sure why, because I really don't have any control over my current situation. But yet, I struggle with this lack of control in my possession. My mind is running in about 25 different directions, and I am being torn to shreds because of the unknown. In distress, I turn to a poem written by N.R. Stewart called "Anxiety"...

Fearing the future
My eyes aching from the dark
I am sleepless
I am crazy
Is this normal?

Sumo on my chest
Needles on my back
I am dizzy
I am nauseous
Does everyone feel this?

My tongue is swelling
I feel so strange
I am thirsty
I am terrified
What is going to happen tomorrow?

What I need to do is to stop, drop, and pray. I just need to try to relax and to let the Holy Spirit fill me. I need to feel the presence of the Spirit within me so that I have the confidence in myself and in my God-given abilities. I need to be calm and to know that God will be with me when I need him to be.

I humbly ask that you please keep me in your prayers tomorrow as I grasp onto a new level in my job search.

Patience, Patience, Patience!

Am I glad to see Friday! This has been one of those weeks; you know, the type of week where you were tested and tried, poked and pried, basted and fried. It was one of those weeks when your patience is put to the test, day after day. And, I'm sad to say, I did not handle that patience piece very well at all!

My activities surrounding my job search were quite active this week. There was also a lot of activity surrounding some family health challenges. And don't even get me started on the lack of sunshine this week! The skies were constantly dark and cloudy, it was cold and raining - and my patience was running thin!

Patience is a funny thing when you think about it. It is defined simply as:

• Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
• Not hasty or impetuous
• Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
• Able or willing to bear or put up with

Looking over these meanings, I can honestly say that I failed miserably this week when it came to being patient. It's downright embarrassing to see that I was zero out of four on the patience-definition scale.

So the question that we need to ask is this: why do we lose our patience so frequently and easily? Is it the fact that we are so preoccupied with all of the "stuff" that going on in our lives that we fail to see the good through the not-so-good? Is it that we become so consumed with our own misfortunes and challenges that we fail to see the misfortunes and challenges of those around us?

It is after a week like this (and after some serious reflection) when I realize how badly I needed to reach out to Jesus. How much easier my load could have been if I only let go of my own pains and trials, without complaining, and let the Lord carry those burdens for me. If only I were to able to not be so testy with others because I was too wrapped up in my own worries and concerns, instead of seeing Jesus in those around me. If only I had kept my eye on the destination and not be enveloped by the bumpiness of the rocky road beneath my feet. If only I had trusted in Jesus a little bit more, and to have him show me that I too am able to carry my cross and walk that impossible mile; not alone, but alongside him. If only I trusted him more!

Lord, help me to be more patient with myself as well as those around me. Let me willingly release the ties that bind me so tightly, so that I may be free to feel the calm of your loving embrace.

Recognizing Jesus

Have you ever noticed that when you attend your class reunion that we do not always recognize a former classmate? It happens to the best of us. There could be a number of reasons why this happens: perhaps the person added some pounds over the years, has a new hairstyle (or even lack of hair), or maybe even that they had a little plastic surgery done. But then you hear a familiar laugh or see a gesture that tips you off to his or her identity. It is that "aha" moment that makes everything clear.

When the glorified Jesus appeared to his followers, he was so changed that they didn't recognize him. So Jesus had to identify himself by saying, "Look at my hands and feet." He had to show them the wounds left by the nails. These badges of love helped confirm his identity to his followers. But they still weren't sure, so Jesus had to invite them to touch him. But that wasn't enough. So Jesus needed to eat a piece of fish in front of them to show that he was truly alive. Then, he explained the scriptures and how all who saw him would be sent to tell the whole world about Jesus and all that he said and did.

Jesus comes to us too, but in different forms. He comes to us in the Sacred Scriptures. Jesus has a message for us in the readings. Each time we hear or read from Scripture, his message is tailored to us. The Bible is a living and breathing document, and still is as relevant in our lives today as it was when it was first published.

Jesus comes to us in the Eucharist, where we believe that Jesus is truly present: body, blood, soul and divinity. And Jesus comes to us through other people. How many times have we seen Jesus in others, whether by word, action, or deed? Guess what, Jesus IS in other people.

Our faith helps us experience Jesus in the Sacred Scriptures, Eucharist and in others. As with all virtues, the more we exercise our faith, the stronger it becomes.

It's through reading the Bible, receiving Holy Communion and helping the needy, the ones who are hurting the most - that's how we come to recognize Jesus with eyes of faith.

Three Days, One Liturgy

This is a reflection that I found posted on Catholics on Call (http://catholicsoncall.org), written by Robin Ryan, CP. It is a good summation of what the Triduum is all about...

The liturgy of Holy Thursday moves us into the celebration of "The Three Days" - the Easter Tridumm, during which we make memory of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. These three days are really one solemn liturgy. If you participate in the Evening Mass of the Lord's Supper you will notice that there is no dismissal at the end. Neither is there a welcome or dismissal at the liturgy of Good Friday. The liturgy from Holy Thursday through the Easter Vigil is meant to be a continuous memorial and celebration of the climactic moments in the life of Jesus and in the life of the Christian community.

The Mass of the Lord's Supper plunges us into the drama of the final moments of Jesus' earthly journey. You can feel the tension of this "hour" of which John speaks in his Gospel. It is a sobering, even frightening time when danger lurks on the horizon. We know that Jesus' anguished prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, the betrayal by Judas, and the arrest of Jesus lie just around the corner. For most people, it would be a time to withdraw, to isolate oneself out of fear. We see Jesus, however, as one who in this hour continues to be present and to offer himself to his disciples. As we hear in the Gospel account, "He loved his own in the world and he loved them to the end."

The liturgy links Jesus' gift of the Eucharist with his action of washing the feet of the disciples. Paul's first letter to the Christians in Corinth contains the earliest written reference to the institution of the Eucharist. It reflects an ancient tradition about Jesus' celebration of a distinctive meal with his disciples before his death. In this meal, Jesus does not only share bread and wine with them; through these gifts he offers his very self to them to be their nourishment, their ongoing strength. Whenever they celebrate this meal, as often as the do this in memory of him, they will again experience his personal gift of self in their midst.

In the Gospel of John, the distinctive action of Jesus at this meal that is recalled is his washing of the feet of the disciples. It is an act of humble service usually performed by a slave. In washing their feet at this moment, Jesus is summing up a life of service to the God he called "Abba" and to God's people. What he does at this table is emblematic of what he has been doing all along as he walked with his disciples. This act, too, anticipates the meaning of the cruel death he is about to undergo. As unjust and senseless as his crucifixion may be, his death will be invested with meaning because it will become one final act of service to God and to the human family.

After he finishes washing the feet of his disciples, Jesus tells them, "If I, therefore, the master and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash one another's feet." As people of the Eucharist, we are privileged to receive Christ's gift of self to us - the greatest gift we could ever receive on this earth. We are blessed to experience real communion with Jesus, a genuine sharing of presence that is the heart of this wonderful sacrament. The Risen Christ, who shared this meal on the eve of his own passion, hosts us and serves us each time we gather to celebrate the Eucharist. As people of the Eucharist, you and I are also called to be people of the basin and towel. We are invited to emulate this Jesus through lives of loving service to others. We are called to wash the feet of one another.

Bread and wine, basin and towel. This is the "stuff" of Catholic Christian life. These symbols are at the very center of our identity as followers of Jesus. For young adults, and for adults of all ages today, these symbols represent an ongoing challenge. They are counter-cultural because they challenge the "Me First" thinking that often prevails in our society. They signify an approach to life different from the one that tells us to look after the needs of others only after we taken care of our own needs. Jesus tells his disciples, "I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do." This "model" he has given us to follow is one that sets the bar very high. It is a model that we can never emulate purely on our own. We need the grace of Christ present and at work within us to take us even one step toward this way of living. It is, though, a way of living in which we walk beside Christ and in which he gives us rest when we are weary. It is life lived to the fullest.

Very Wanted!

This past Thursday, I went to get a haircut. While I was waiting, I began looking in the newspaper at the personal ads. Now, I normally do not read these, but that was the only part of the paper that was there. And I spotted this ad:

VERY WANTED: 30-ish drummer in rockabilly band, with a romantic spirit, professional career, blue eyes, and Catholic!  (Now, is it just me, or does that seem a bit too specific?)

So I began to think about how much those people who welcomed Jesus with shouts of hosanna resemble those who place overly specific and optimistic personal ads in the newspaper. I think that they are setting themselves up for a fall. Their dream of a "knight in shining armor" (or rockabilly Catholic drummer with blue eyes) is unlikely to exist; because the messiah they're looking for isn't the messiah they are likely to get.

When the people welcomed Jesus that morning, they cheered him and gave him a hero's welcome. They saw him as someone who could remove the heavy Roman boot from their backs. They applauded him as someone who could lead a revolt against the Evil Empire, someone who would lead them to freedom.

But Jesus disappointed them. He was not 6-feet plus with abs of steel. He rode into town on a baby donkey, not a warhorse. He went to pray at the temple, not protest at the palace. Jesus did not turn out to be their idea of a savior.

And by Friday, the joyous shouts of "Hosanna, Hosanna" had turned into blood thirsty cries of "Crucify Him, Crucify Him!" So what happened? As the week wore on and Jesus taught day after day in the temple, it became more and more clear, first to Judas, and then to many others, that Jesus was not the messiah they had been looking for. What they failed to realize was that Jesus was the messiah that they needed!

I think that we modern Christians are sometimes like that too. Sometimes, we're not sure who this Jesus really is, but there is something about his life and teaching and witness and death and promise of life again that keeps drawing us back, back to the place where we pray and hope and look hard to see God in our lives.

That is what Holy Week is all about. It's a time to look for Jesus. To look for Jesus in the Scriptures, to see what he was all about. To get rid of our preconceived notions of what a messiah, a savior, a Christ, is supposed to be like so that we can see and receive Jesus just as he is. It's a time to look for Jesus in prayer. To meditate upon his call to follow him, to give up ourselves and serve the needs of others. It's a time to look for Jesus in our worship, to join our community on Holy Thursday and Good Friday, where we recall the passion and death of Jesus, culminating in the celebration of Christ's resurrection at the Easter Vigil.

Most of all, Holy Week is a time to look for Jesus in our lives. In order to see the real Jesus, we must look to the cross - where Jesus died for us. There is where Jesus revealed what God is really like.

This Holy Week, may we find Jesus - maybe by using our own personal ad that reads like this:

VERY WANTED: faithful and loving Savior, Forgiver, Deliverer, Redeemer, and Friend!

March Madness

I wanted to share this article written by a friend of mine, Fr. Tom Zelinski from the St. Anthony Spirituality Center in Marathon, Wisconsin (www.sarcenter.com). Definitely, words to contemplate...

In March, we hear a lot about "March Madness." That is usually about basketball tournaments and people picking their "brackets." There are other kinds of common madness: frantic buying of more material things, trying to get taxes done, the hectic pace of family life, and lots of other events that demand our time, treasure and talent.

For Christians during Lent, there may be another, more serious madness. The madness of Jesus and his mission of revealing the Reign of God. Some of his own relatives thought he was out of his mind. "They found him too much for them." (Mark 6:3) He did things that went against the "common wisdom" of his day.

Following Christ may take our own madness - going beyond an hour on Sunday to spend more time at prayer or reading the Bible and other religious material, and perhaps even the madness of going out of our way to do something for a person we don't know well. As you look around these days, what is something that might take you out of your "comfort zone" into a place of following the word of God? "Whatsoever you do for the least of these brothers and sisters, you did for me." (Matthew 25:40) We don't do these things for the reward, but because these are good things to do. And, we do them quietly. "Your Father who sees in secret will repay you." (Matthew 6:4)

March is a good time for random acts of madness.